Sometimes, it feels like my anxiety is just waiting in the background, ready to take over my life. Going to new places, not getting enough done, looking stupid or unprepared or even just inconveniencing people. I’ve mentioned my issues with anxiety at least once before, and it’s one of the main reasons that in 2023, I finally buckled down and got some therapy.
The following is an experiment in self-talk in order to work through my meta-emotions about anxiety. I decided to write this blog post from two points of view: first, from my natural state. Second, from the point of view of a wise friend. While writing this, my heart rate actually went down from 100 to 88.
As a brief disclaimer, I am NOT a therapist. This is purely a writing experiment for my own purposes, but it does follow some guidelines that I’ve learned both in my own therapy sessions, and from my readings, specifically in regard to meta-emotions (how you feel about how you feel) and how anxiety works (both its function in the body, and processing through exposure therapy). I am posting this for education and entertainment purposes only.
Bold text = Wise Mind. Or at least my attempt at invoking Wise Mind.
Ugh I have to go to this Meet the Teacher thing for my kid at his new school. I just hate that I get so anxious to go to new places. Especially when I’m afraid I’m going to forget something, or look stupid. Probably both.
“Why do you hate it?”
Why do I hate looking stupid?
“No, I mean why do you hate that you get anxious?”
Because it’s disruptive. It makes my hands shake and it makes my thought processes slower. I stumble over my words. It makes me look dumb.
“That makes sense. Man, that really sucks that you feel that way.”
Yeah.
“But it’s not your fault that you’re anxious.”
Isn’t it?
“No way. You have all these triggers piling up in the back of your head, just waiting for something to set them off. New places are like a lion for you. Your body is just responding to the lion. It’s doing its job, even if it’s really uncomfortable when it does. Anxiety is your body functioning as intended.”
New places shouldn’t be a lion though.
“So you think you shouldn’t feel anxious about new places, specifically?”
Exactly.
“Why not?”
Well nobody else does.
“How do you know?”
I’ve talked to people about it and they feel bad for me but they don’t feel the same way.
“Because people are different?”
I guess, yeah.
“Okay. So people are different, and you’re not THAT different from everyone else. Odds are good that there are a lot of people out there who feel anxious going to new places.”
I guess.
“So say if you go to this new place… and you’re one of like 20 other people who feel anxious? Do you judge THEM for feeling anxious? Like if someone was in front of you in your kid’s school office and stumbling over their words, how would you feel about that person?”
I’d feel bad for them. I’d want them to feel comfortable.
“But they’re anxious! Don’t you judge them for it?”
Of course not.
“What about another person standing next to you, judging them for it?”
I mean I don’t think that would happen. And even if they did, they’d be a jerk.
“You’re not a jerk.”
I sure try not to be.
“So someone else’s anxiety is allowed. It’s okay.”
…ugh, yeah.
“And yours isn’t… why?”
UGH fine. I guess my anxiety is allowed too.
“Exactly. Don’t build on it by judging yourself for it. And the brain science says that if you want to reduce that anxiety because it’s uncomfortable, the best thing is not to run away from situations that might trigger it. Doing something that makes you feel anxious is good. It’s powerful.”
Huh. That’s true.
“Attagirl.”
>< Shut up, I’m going.
